End the Blame Game

team conflict

Over the years I’ve worked on a wide variety of projects and seen many times when things haven’t gone well.  At times the problems were due to unexpected issues, other times they were due to things that were overlooked.  There were even a few times when gaps were identified before they could wreck disaster on the project.  Unfortunately too often people get caught up in the blame game; before, during or after a problem occurs.

On one project a problem was found prior to the deadline and the root cause was a found to be a system design flaw.  Unfortunately the flaw was found right before our deadline so all we could do was implement a work-around initially.  Since the flaw didn’t impact the primary process it was missed because not all the processes that used this part of the system were mapped.  A couple of weeks before the deadline the gaps were found and the scrambling began.

At first there were a bunch of meetings about how this got missed and who was at fault.  Fingers were pointed and blame was placed.  This led the people who were blamed to spend time explaining how it wasn’t their fault and that they did their best.  We lost a week or more to these pointless conversations.  Negativity and defeat were prevalent.  Finally the emotions calmed enough for the team to focus on what needed to happen to meet our deadline.  In a few days we were able to identify fixes for all the gaps once the focus shifted to where we needed to go.  Sadly even as we started making progress a few folks would start to vent their frustration that these issues were identified sooner.  Negativity would start creeping in again.

Our project manager had to keep reminding everyone on the target – a successful implementation on our deadline.  Keeping the team looking forward and focused on the key tasks at hand was critical to our eventual success.  He set short-term and long-term priorities and kept us focused on what had to happen next and who could get it done.  He shut down the negative talk and kept us looking at the end goal.  As we came together to find solutions to the gaps we moved past the negativity and started to find the positive in an ugly situation.

We were able to be succeeded by following these three strategies:

  1. Shift the Focus: When you are looking at the problems all you see are problems.  As you start to focus on possible solutions it becomes easier to find the positive in the situation.  Success breeds success.
  2. Worry about Blame Later: It is important to determine what went wrong and how to avoid it in the future but solve the problems first.  Once the issues are resolved everyone can learn from looking at what could be done better in the future.
  3. Check Emotions at the Door: In the heat of the moment it’s easy to let our emotions get away from us.  When that happens, anger and frustration can take the lead side tracking progress and causing people to shut down.  Keep things focused on fixing the problems and not fixing people.

Problems during projects are inevitable; however handling them well is possible.  It requires the right focus and the skills to manage people well.  When a team hits a challenge, the more time they spend on placing blame the longer it will take to get to a satisfactory solution.  Identify the source, focus on the fixes and then worry about the lessons to be learned.  Taking valuable time to find someone to blame is futile and counterproductive.  Solutions aren’t found and people become defensive, overall the entire team can get stuck.  Focus on moving forward and setting a positive tone.  The results from your team will be astounding.

What tips do you have for overcoming the blame game to move forward to success?

3 Comments

Filed under Team Building

Being Intense

FocusA couple of months ago several colleagues and I were having dinner after a long day and we were comparing notes on how our week and the project were going.  I commented that things had been “crazy and kind of…..” and I was at a loss for words.  Jack offered up “intense” as the word I was looking for to describe it all.  That was exactly how I felt.  He then commented that it was due to the fact that I was intense.

Honestly I think it was meant as a bit of a dig.  Jack tended to think I took my responsibilities a bit too seriously.  To me that wasn’t an insult at all, it was a compliment.  My role in the project was end-user training and we had just made the switch so I was really focused on making sure things were working for everyone.  The fact that I was fully focused on people’s success and experience made me a bit intense I guess.

If we are truly focused on an objective we can come across as intense or even obsessive to others.   Does that mean we should back off or tone it down?  Not in my world.  I am a believer in giving 110% to the things I am doing and I take my work very seriously.  There are people who find that intimidating and uncomfortable to be around.  When people are nervous or afraid they will act out of compliance to a request instead of getting onboard as a collaborator.  You need to know which is going to help you most in the situation, but I always prefer to work with someone who is committed to helping me instead of someone who is just doing what they are told to do.

It’s great to be focused and driving to a result or goal.  Unfortunately if we scare the folks we are working with we may end up being less effective.  Yet if we don’t appear committed or focused people think we don’t care about results.  So how do we strike the right level of intensity?

Here are 5 tips for managing intensity:

  1. Focus on one goal at a time: If you are pushing towards too many things all at once you will seem unorganized and unfocused.  At any one time work on one thing only.
  2. Remember to see the people: Often what we are doing involves others, either directly or indirectly, so remember that others can be frightened when you come on too strong.
  3. Breathe: Before you start rattling off a list of next steps or giving directions to others take a couple of deep breaths and slow down.  Going too fast will confuse people; make sure the others can keep up.
  4. Be clear on the true urgency: Just because you are excited and ready to roll doesn’t mean it’s urgent to those around you.  What is the real importance and urgency of the task at hand?  Is it critical to do now or can it be done soon?  Be clear on the true needs and people will respect your deadlines better.
  5. Smile: When you are going from meeting to meeting or talking with others smile at them and make eye contact.  When you are moving fast with your mind on the end goal you come across as remote and scary.  Relax and people will respond better to your requests.

Remember being intense means you care about what you are doing and you are focused on getting results.  Managing your intensity will allow you to pull others in with you so that you can get more done and have more fun doing it.  Focus on results and keep an eye on the people around you to make sure you aren’t burning them with your focus.  Sunlight is great until it’s focused so intensely that it starts a fire.

My philosophy: ‘Take your work more seriously than yourself’

I believe in getting things done but having fun while doing it.  As a result I’ve found most people to be willing to work with me, help me get things done even when I’m being a bit intense.  I will laugh at myself and my mistakes quickly and readily yet I’m always serious about the results I’m looking to achieve.

Have you ever been accused of being too intense?

Logo with txt below

2 Comments

Filed under Personal Development

Finding My Way Back

Young woman flying with an umbrella under Paris

It’s been months since I’ve sat down at a keyboard to write a blog post.  Part of that was planned, okay really only the first couple of weeks, and the rest of the time is due to my desire for balance.  Back in early February I wrote a post and then planned on a week to two week absence as my family and I traveled to Washington DC for my father-in-laws burial at Arlington National Cemetery.  I figured that once I got back home we would get back into a routine and I would pick up writing.  Well, as they say the best laid plans…..

I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to start working with a new client company right after we got home which changed the balance of my days.  Between my commitment to the client and my dedication to helping my family settle in to a new routine I found it difficult to carve out time to write.  As a result I made the decision to take a break for a while.  My family needed me and my work was very demanding and rewarding.  The next thing I knew 7+ months had passed.

In all honesty I’ve missed writing my blog and capturing my thoughts about leadership, personal development, time management and whatever else came to mind.  However, I decided that I needed to spend my time differently for a while.  It was very intentional on my part to step back from blogging, as well as actively participating in social media forums like Twitter, FaceBook and LinkedIn.  At the beginning of the year I spent a couple of hours a day in these activities and I made a choice to spend that time elsewhere.  While I missed the interaction with my friends and colleagues I am glad I chose to focus on my family and my client.

Balance and Intention

I’ve learned several important lessons over these months about how to create a balance in my life that is fulfilling and rewarding.  There will always be too many demands on my time and I have to pick and choose what I do, who I spend time with, and how I live my life.  I found I could focus on what was important, what was urgent or what was interesting.  Sadly it’s easy to just go with the flow, keep doing what I’ve been doing and let the outside world dictate our time.  This leads to frustration, disappointment and regrets.

To find a balance that worked for me I had to keep in mind what was important to, what actions supported those things and I had to say no.  I found the following actions critical to making this work for me:

  1. Be Clear on Priorities: When you know what is most important to you and where your priorities lay you can make choices that work best for you.  These can, and will, shift over time so think about what’s important to you right now.
  2. Weigh Demands against Priorities: Check requests for your time and attention against your priorities.  Are the demands aligned with what is most important right now?
  3. Do the Things that Matter Most: There will be things you want to do that just don’t align with your current priorities.  Be intentional about what you do and how you spend your time.
  4. Say No Kindly: You will have to say no to people and requests so be kind and considerate to those making the requests.  Remember the request is being driven by what’s important to someone else so be respectful of their request.  You don’t have to say yes just because it’s important to them, just say No kindly.
  5. Never Apologize: Taking care of the things that matter to you is something you should never apologize for doing.  Saying “Sorry I can’t help you” opens the door for others to negotiate or push you into helping.  Instead say “I wish I could help you, unfortunately I can’t at this time”.  This is respectful of their request while saying no.

When I stepped away from the keyboard back in February it was done to focus on my family and our healing.  It was absolutely the right thing to do.  When I started working with my client I wanted to give them my full attention so my days became focused on meeting a tight schedule and I decided to keep my evenings and weekends more open for my family and personal needs.  This meant that my time on social media was cut down drastically as my priorities shifted.  As I focused on the things that mattered most to me at the time I found I was happier than when I was stressed out over getting all the things done that I wanted to do.

To find balance in your life it’s important to be very intentional about your actions.  What do you intend to accomplish, what are your priorities and shift your focus to the things that matter most.  This applies across the spectrum of your day, from what you do at home and at work.  When you are true to what matters most to you it will feel like your life is in balance even when you are crazy busy.  That’s because you will be crazy busy with the important things.

To get started ask yourself these questions:

  • What’s most important to me right now?
  • Are the things I’m doing aligned with my priorities?
  • Which things should I stop doing to free up time for the important stuff?
  • How can I be more intentional in my actions?

Be intentional about your goals and your actions to find a better balance in your life.

How do you create balance?  Please share your tips in the comments below.

Logo with txt below

 

Carol Dougherty

 

 

 

Looking forward to seeing you around much more frequently!

2 Comments

Filed under Personal Development

Thought for Monday

Montain summerIn the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Leave a comment

Filed under Leadership, Personal Development, Quotes

The Best of Lead With Giants March 14

wpid-Best-of-LWG-Blog-Posts.jpgToday I’m excited to bring to you the best blog posts from the Lead With Giants group.  There are many interesting articles with great insights into leadership topics.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Best of Lead With Giants March 14

Leave a comment

Filed under Leadership

Thoughts for Feb 4th

Lighthouse in the dusk

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.
John F. Kennedy

How many a man has thrown up his hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience would have achieved success.
Elbert Hubbard

1 Comment

Filed under Leadership, Quotes

The Best of Lead With Giants February 2014

wpid-Best-of-LWG-Blog-Posts.jpgToday I’m excited to bring to you the best blog posts from the Lead With Giants group.  There are many interesting articles with great insights into leadership topics.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Best of Lead With Giants February 14

Leave a comment

Filed under Leadership

How Will Your Integrity be Judged?

JudgingIt’s common for people to say that leaders must have integrity.  We are quick to point out CEO’s or politicians who make ethical mistakes and talk about their lack of integrity.  These are easy to point out.  We also identify public figures who act in ways that demonstrate their honesty and integrity.  Yet how easy is it to fall short of the ideal level of integrity?

There are some very subtle ways in which we may be acting which brings our integrity into question.  We often don’t even realize that our actions are not aligned with our values.  Unfortunately others will be watching what we do and compare it to what we say.  Here are some simple things that can trip up even the most honest people.

  • You say you hate gossip and actively discourage it; however you comment on a person who isn’t there at the time.
  • You encourage and evaluate your team on personal development yet you never find the time to take a class yourself.
  • Your company policy says that you will not accept gifts from vendors over a certain value but you allow a vendor to pay for you to play golf on a course whose fees are higher than the limit.
  • You hold people accountable to deadlines yet you often miss deadlines of your own.
  • You promise to give people honest feedback however you avoid the difficult conversations about performance because people will get upset.
  • You promote teamwork and collaboration but you are normally too busy to pitch in when asked.

Some of these examples are more obvious than others.  However, each one of these is an indication that you are not demonstrating the level of integrity that you may desire.  There may be reasons why you do some of these things but if you are honest with yourself it becomes obvious you are not practicing what you preach.  Even these small things can harm how others view you.  If they see you ‘cheating’ on the small things it can create doubt on how you will behave on the big things.

There is a story about President Abraham Lincoln who is well known for his honesty.  It demonstrates how keeping to your word may be uncomfortable in the moment but powerful over time.

While a member of Congress, Abraham Lincoln was once criticized by a friend for his seeming rudeness in declining to test the rare wines provided by their host.

The friend said to him: “There is certainly no danger of a man of your years and habits becoming addicted to the use of wine.”

“I mean no disrespect, John,” answered Lincoln, “but I promised my precious mother only a few days before she died that I would never use anything intoxicating as a beverage, and I consider that promise as binding today as it was the day I gave it.”

“But,” the friend continued, “there is a great difference between a child surrounded by a rough class of drinkers and a man in a home of refinement.”

“A promise is a promise forever,” answered Lincoln, “and when made to a mother, it is doubly binding.”

As you go about your day think about the choices you are making.  Are your words and your actions perfectly aligned?  Have you made allowances for falling short of keeping a promise or meeting a deadline?  Integrity is something that everyone wants in their leaders and in their teammates.  It can be hard to take the high road all the time and you run the risk of offending someone by sticking to your principles.  Yet over time people will think more of us when we do.  Leaders make hard choices all the time and this is one area that you completely control.  Choose wisely.

Logo with txt below

If you would like help developing your key leadership qualities let us help you.  Contact me at carol@delta-group-llc.com or visit http://www.delta-group-llc.com

4 Comments

Filed under Leadership, Personal Development

Quote for Jan 21st

yoda

Try not. Do or do not. There is no try. ~Yoda

If you are chasing your dreams you need to go for it, not just ‘try’ to reach it.   Give it your all.  You might exceed your expectations if you focus on doing not on trying.

 

Photo from Photobucket.com

1 Comment

Filed under Personal Development, Quotes

Quotes on Courage

Here are some quotes I like on courage.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
Steve Jobs

How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them.
Benjamin Franklin

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
Dale Carnegie

Courage means to keep working a relationship, to continue seeking solutions to difficult problems, and to stay focused during stressful periods.
Denis Waitley

What quotes or phrases inspire you to be more courageous?

1 Comment

Filed under Leadership, Personal Development, Quotes